12.10.09 - Press Release:

As the Tiger Woods story continues to unfold and expand, I can no longer remain silent, though that would have been my preference. I feel compelled to reveal the truth and in doing so in clear unambiguous terms clarify my involvement with Tiger Woods. I did not have any relationship with Tiger Woods. I have never had a relationship with Tiger Woods. In fact, I have never even met Tiger Woods in person. I have never gone to see him play golf. I may have inadvertently watched him play golf in a televised setting. Furthermore, I don't believe I've even ever purchased a product that had the image of Tiger Woods on it. Though I will admit it is possible I have used or consumed a product he may have endorsed. I will say that his endorsement, if one did exist, had no effect whatsoever about my choice of product one way or another. Additionally, Tiger Woods has never met me in person. Though it is possible, he has viewed my Web Site. However, this is probably unlikely, as I can't imagine when he would have had the time to do so. However, in the event that Mr. Woods did visit Almost Coherent, theoretically, there should be a Web Site traffic report that could trace a users IP address though, I can't imagine it would be financially worthwhile to pursue such research into potential information.

Let me be clear that I have not been offered any financial compensation by Mr. Woods or any of his representatives to either speak out or not to speak out that answers that question. At this point, I have not sought any compensation from the Tiger Woods camp, compound, or institution, though, I believe it would be unlikely that I would turn down an offer, so if someone wants to send me money, that would be fine. Now that I think about it, considering some of Mr. Woods' endorsements, including the many commercials featuring Tiger Woods promoting the Buick brand, I wouldn't turn down a new Buick either, even while the company is government owned.

If this were to happen, I think it important to mention that in the past, I have said partly in jest, that if I had a Buick rather than an Oldsmobile my dog might be named Skylark. My dog's name is not important to this matter, and I ask that you respect their privacy during this time. I will only say that if Tiger sent me a Buick I would not rename my dog. I can't speak on why a Buick spokesperson would be crashing a Cadillac product, I imagine advertising personnel are analyzing this.

Regarding additional Tiger product endorsements - I am not familiar with the Tiger Woods Gatorade derivative that is being discontinued. I will state for the record however, that I do regularly consume Gatorade replenishing drinks. Whether I partake of powered, pre-mixed, or individually packaged portions is not for discussion. I will say, though I did grab some G2, Gatorade products in a blue flavor earlier this year. Personally as an aside, sweaty athletes depicted on a bottle do not encourage my consumption of such a products. Perhaps advertising personnel will analyze this as well. My G2 purchase was primarily motivated by my interest in locating a product colored with #2 Blue food dye.

Regarding my background in relation to some of the women who Tiger does know, I am not a cocktail waitress. However, I do enjoy cocktails from time to time. At this time, I will not discuss the exact type or nature of such cocktails and/or which ones may or may not be enjoyed at which occasions or paired with what specific foods. In the interest of complete disclosure, I don't recall using Gatorade products in combination with other products containing alcohol. I am sure you could find recipes online. As I've stated, not being a cocktail waitress, I am not familiar with any such combinations, though I would guess they do exist.

In the event that it is necessary, I will hold a press conference on this matter at some time in future. I will decide what would or would not make a press conference necessary and would of course consult with an attorney I have retained.

I have no further statement at this time.

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