Almost Amnesty

by Amy Zidell

Debate about the bipartisan amnesty immigration plan continues to wage on. Here's my two cents. I should address an observation of mine to explain how my position became evident to me. Do you ever notice when the universe seems to be telling you something? You know, it's like when you learn a new word and then you keep hearing and reading the word everywhere. You get an idea for something and related further items seem to pop up throughout your day. That's exactly what happened to me in relation to the immigration bill currently being considered.

I watched the press conference announcing the bill and heard most of the representatives there speak before CSPAN cut to the House floor. I was struck by the talking heads chomping at the bit to tear the measure apart. Maybe they could let the ink dry first. My initial thinking about the bill was that some parts sounded great and some sounded horrible. I thought it was important to take time to write about this topic. Then over the weekend, I don't think it was a mere coincidence, I was watching a very interesting program on the History Channel. Its subject matter provides a solution to immigration problems seen from all sides of this issue. The answer, two words: Chain Gangs.

Now before that makes you fly off the handle you should know that Chain Gangs are making a come back. What better way to address the illegal alien worker issue than Chain Gangs? The implementation of Chain Gangs solves almost every key illegal immigrant issue.

Here are ten ways Chain Gangs fix the illegal immigration problem. All or part of these could be included as amendments to the current measure being considered in congress.

1. Language: Chain Gangs address more than one language issue.

The ambiguous code phrase of the euphemistic 'Guest Worker' no longer would apply or distract people from words and phrases like Amnesty, Illegal Alien, or Trespasser. They could all be replaced by new phrases like - Chain Gang of Illegal Aliens, Guest Worker Chain Gang, Criminal Chain Gang, or simply Chain Gang.

2. Returning to the Home Country: Chain Gang use clarifies the matter of deportation or back of the line issues.

A lot of concern and debate focuses on what to do with all the people that aren't supposed to be in the United States. Some say it's impractical to deport what could be 20 Million people. Others say that a Guest Worker program that requires people to return to their home country for a time period won't work because there's no real incentive for the illegal entrant to the United States to leave the United States (why start obeying laws now?). I posture that even after a brief stint on a Chain Gang people will not only not object to leaving the United States but may actually want to.

3. Uncovering the underground: Chain Gangs are not subtle.

Groups of people chained together wearing matching jumpsuits that are bright orange, feature bold stripes, or some combination of the two, are not likely to disappear into the background unnoticed.

4. Dealing with employers of illegals: Chain Gangs require business compliance.

Chain Gangs operate with contracts, above board. Companies don't need to get into the federal business of determining immigration status of workers. They sign a contract for the workers and get to work. I think it's important that contracting Chain Gangs not be outsourced. It certainly should not be outsourced to a non-US company. This is something that the border patrol could manage.

5. The suffocating cost of illegals: Chain Gangs turn a profit.

Chain Gang operators charge a fee for the work performed by the chain gang. They factor in upkeep costs including feeding and housing and determine a marketable and profitable rate for their services. This would also establish a straightforward business manner whereby home countries of illegals would be billed for the maintenance and upkeep of their citizens while trespassing in our country (refer back to item #4).

6. Securing the border: Chain Gangs are better than chain link.

Chain Gangs can be put to work completing the border fence.

Unbelievable to me is that there is debate at all about whether or not the United States should have secure borders. Frankly, if you are a citizen or representative and don't think we should enforce our borders, what's wrong with you? Anyway, having Guest Worker Chain Gangs building border fences has a wonderful irony about it.

7. Screening people entering the U.S.: Chain Gangs make it easier to keep track of people.

Screening for terrorists, individuals with communicable diseases, drug dealers, and other criminals would be easily facilitated with Chain Gangs. In the event that someone ill or doubly criminal made it into the U.S. once they were in the Chain Gang, they would be easy to keep track of (see item #3 above).

8. Anchor Babies: Chain Gangs would discourage the anchor baby practice.

A not uncommon practice by pregnant illegals is to enter the United States during the last phase of their pregnancy with the express purpose of getting free health care and delivering anchor babies thus subverting cornerstones of this country established to strengthen the nation, its citizens, and legal immigrants. The swollen ankles of pregnant illegals just won't be comfortable in Chain Gang shackles.

9. Family unification: Chain Gangs keep families together, literally.

Chain 'em together. It doesn't get more simple than that.

10. Real consequences for breaking the law: Chain Gangs help enforce law.

A chain on the wrist is better than a slap on the wrist.

Let your representative know your feelings about legislation.
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© 2007 Amy Zidell

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